This Drunk Bitch

Stay drunk, Bitches! #thisdrunkbitch

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

FoDB - Friends of Drunk Bitches

This is a very special post, addressed to some very special people: Friends of Drunk Bitches. FoDB can be Drunk Bitches themselves sometimes, but when they are in the FoDB role (often also the DD role), it is their job to take care of the Drunk Bitches. As most of you are probably already aware, Drunk Bitches are not easy to take care of. Taking care of a Drunk Bitch is a little bit like babysitting a hyperactive six-year-old on stilts. Your job is to make sure that the intoxicated party is safe and in possession of all personal effects they left the house with. You must keep them from using their cell phone to commit social suicide or hooking up with an ex in the bathroom. It’s not an easy job, but it’s a very important one, and I’d like to share some tips with you that I hope will make your turn being the FoDB a whole lot easier.
First, speak softly and carry a big purse. I always carry band-aids, because Drunk Bitches are accident-prone (although after Tara’s epic drunken fall on the Fourth of July in which her knees looked as if she had been attacked by small dinosaurs, I’m thinking of upgrading to maxi pads and a roll of duct tape). I also carry a fifty-dollar bill that is for emergencies only, in the event that I have to grab a stranger and utter the phrase, “I’ll give you fifty dollars if you X,” with X being a simple but vital request like “let us borrow your phone,” or “carry my drunk friend to the cab.” Hair ties and hand sanitizer are also essential, as is leaving enough room in your purse to hold the Drunk Bitch’s cell phone, wallet, heels, and anything else she may drunkenly discard throughout the night.
Second, have a calm, rational speech prepared for the authorities, be they the bartender who wants to eject the Drunk Bitch or the actual authorities with badges. Nine times out of ten, these people really don’t want to have to deal with the Drunk Bitch personally, and will actually be willing to let you take responsibility as long as they believe you are up to the task and will not allow harm to come to the Drunk Bitch/other people/the establishment you are in, etc. This came in handy one day at an Atlantic City beach when a certain Drunk Bitch refused to keep her top on. Because I explained to the lifeguards that it wasn't mere intoxication that was motivating my charge, but a deep sense of injustice rooted in her feminist outlook, they were content to let me handle the situation and even follow my lead in communicating with the Drunk Bitch as concerned friends rather than oppressive members of the patriarchy.
Third, make sure to remember key points of the night in case the Drunk Bitch loses time or blacks out. Write them down if necessary. If the Drunk Bitch tells someone a secret or says something in confidence and you are privy to the conversation, remember the details so you can update the Drunk Bitch on who knows what the next day. If the Drunk Bitch pays for things, try to have an idea of where and how much in case they find they are missing cash/have a mysterious charge on their credit card. You get the idea.

Finally, if you become a Drunk Bitch while in the FoDB role, and/or disaster strikes, be prepared to do damage control the next day. An apology is a beautiful and underrated thing. Take responsibility for your actions and the part you played in the night’s events. Especially if you committed an offense at a venue where you are a regular, a “sorry for being a shit show” card (and perhaps an accompanying tip) makes a nice gesture, and increases the odds you will be welcomed back.

Stay drunk, Bitches! (Unless you're the sober bitch, then stay sober, bitch.)

This post brought to you by Gina Verrastro - This Drunk Photographer and often a Friend of Drunk Bitches.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Don't miss this event: Great Beer Expo Philadelphia.

Does 75+ breweries and 200+ beer samples sound like a good way to spend a Saturday? You're damned right it does! It's an especially great way to spend the Saturday kicking off Philly Beer Week, #pbw2015. That's why you need to get your tickets for the Great Beer Expo Philadelphia, today!

Great Beer Expo Philadelphia, held at the Philadelphia Navy Yard presented by the Committee to Benefit the Children is an event a beer lover shouldn't miss. This grand event has two types of ticket options: VIP - This ticket gives you early access (one full hour) 12:30 - 1:30, in this early hour you get the opportunity to sample special beers that the brewers have reserved that will not be available to those with General Admission. VIP tickets are available online for $75.
There are also General Admission tickets available online for $46 + fees.

The event runs until 5pm, so there's plenty of time to chat with brewers, sample and discover new beers from around the globe. Some of our very favorite vendy award winning food trucks will be on hand selling their delicious culinary delights. Really, is there any better sort of expo?

If you're really dedicated to beer, make sure that you also check out Opening Tap on May 29th. DRINK ALL OF THE BEER, ALL OF IT!

I always love attending events that StarFish Junction has planned. They're always well executed!

Stay Drunk, Bitches!

*Disclaimer - while we were provided free tickets to attend this event, all opinions remain our own. 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

It's Almost Beer Week, Bitches! #PBW2015
Only 5 days left in the countdown for Opening Tap held at the 23rd St Armory and we can't contain our excitement! We had such a great time at the Opening Tap event for last year's Philly Beer week, sipping on Naked Brewing's Carpe Noctem, The Berliner from Round Guys and of course Big Gruesome by Spring House.

This year's Opening Tap is promising to be an even bigger success, with a special debut of Leuven on a Prayer - a collaboration with Brouwerij Hof ten Dormaal and Free Will Brewing Co.

While Tara is really our beer expert, I had a great time last year and I'm looking forward to this year being the year I find a beer I am in love with. With 40 breweries on hand, I think the odds are in my favor. This event is great for meeting brewers who are really passionate about their craft beers, they know their stuff, they love to talk about what they do and you can really learn so much.

Tickets are still available and you need to go buy yours now! VIP ticket holders are rewarded with a buffet and 'special beers'. I'm already feeling special.

Of course, if you have to miss out on the biggest beer event of the year, we feel horribly sorry for you...but you can attend any number of events that take place. It's Philly Beer Week, not Philly Beer hours, afterall. Check out Philly Beer Week's list of events, where you can find a list of all of the great events (new events added pretty much every single day).

Keep up with the week's events by following #PBW2015 on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Stay drunk, Bitches!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Join the Mile High Club at The Trestle Inn

Know what's better than flights of whiskey? Flights of whiskey that come with a loyalty program. If my day job has taught me anything, it's that people fucking love loyalty/rewards programs.

Our friends at The Trestle Inn have added just such a program and you whiskey loving bitches are going to have to get in on it.

Visit the Trestle at 11th and Callowhill, Wednesday and Thursday from 5PM - 2AM and/or Friday and Saturday from 5PM-10PM to enjoy a variety of whisk(e)y flights.

The National - $16 
Mitcher's US*1 / 1792 Ridgemont Reserve / Angel's Envy

The Braniff - $18 
Evan Williams / Four Roses / Russell's Reserve

The Pan Am - $18 
Old Overholt / Prichard's / WhistlePig

The Trans World - $22
Forty Creek Double Barrel Reserve / Green Spot Single Pot Still / Yamazaki 12 Year
(**Special note from Sue** This flight is fan-fucking-tastic and even if you don't care about the rest of the whiskey flights, get here for this right now. I am now pretty obsessed with Green Spot Single Pot Still and it's all The Trestle's fucking fault.)

The British Caledonian - $24 
Tamdhu 10 Year / Glekinchie 12 Year / Oban 14 Year

Once you've taken each of these beautiful whiskey flights, you'll become a member of The Trestle Inn's Mile High club - which earns you a complimentary flight from High West Distillery (Park City Utah), because nothing says 'great job drinking all of that whiskey' quite as well as drinking more whiskey!

Oh and don't forget to check out the complimentary tastings offered on The Spirit of Wednesday!

Stay drunk, Bitches!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Bloody Bitch on the Bay

This week, we were fortunate enough to try The Bay Vodka from our favorite local distillery, Philadelphia Distilling. Now, we already know how amazing Bluecoat Gin is, and we've talked at length about how wonderful Bluecoat Barrel Finished Gin is, but a bay seasoning vodka? Now, I've fallen victim to the allure of flavored vodkas before. They promise seemingly delicious flavors like bubblegum, cherry, s'mores, and even Swedish Fish! Come on, who doesn't like Swedish Fish, right? Sadly, these well-meaning flavored vodkas always seem to taste like death in the form of overly sugary cheap ass vodka, and they barely even resemble their delicious namesakes.

So, needless to say, I was fucking skeptical.

I fist tried it neat, sipping it from a shot glass. Initially, I was hit with a great pure sea salt flavor, which was quite nice. After a few sips, the bay seasoning flavor really started to come through. What I like the most about this vodka is that Philadelphia Distilling brought a lot of balance to the table. The flavors are definitely there without having to be overly gratuitous about it.

So, after getting a nice little buzz, I decided to make a spin on "The Bloody Bay" cocktail, which is reminiscent of the classic Bloody Mary. Now, we all know that the Bloody Mary is a very personal cocktail. And I, like so many other 'Mary enthusiasts, don't like to fuck with my recipe. But, in the spirit of trying new things, I decided to throw caution to the wind and make a recipe that I feel is more tailored to this particular flavor profile. I borrowed some of my favorite elements of the Bloody Bitch, and have concocted The Bloody Bitch on the Bay.

I wanted to really showcase the Bay flavors, so I cut down on the horseradish and omitted hot sauce and mustard completely. I know that Bay seasoning already has celery seed, but I added more because I just love that shit. You can absolutely use homemade tomato juice, but I like V-8 because it has a little more complexity and frankly, it's just always in my fucking fridge. Enjoy!

The Bloody Bitch on the Bay

2oz. of The Bay Vodka
1/2 tsp horseradish
2 shakes Worchestershire sauce
1/8 tsp celery salt
A squeeze of lemon juice
1 cup of your favorite tomato or vegetable juice (I like to use V-8)
Freshly ground black pepper (to taste)

Garnishes (optional)
1 slice of pickled green tomato
1 slice of sweet horseradish pickle
1 lemon wheel

Start with a glass filled 3/4 of the way with ice. Pour the vodka over it. Add the horseradish, Worchestershire, celery salt, black pepper, and lemon juice. Fill the rest of the way with your tomato or vegetable juice of choice. Pour into a tall glass and pour back into your original glass. This is not a drink that needs to be vigorously shaken; just that quick toss will incorporate your ingredients without melting the ice too much. I also had some really delicious spicy pickled green tomatoes and sweet horseradish pickles on hand, so I thought they would be the perfect accompaniment, but you can really use whatever the hell you want.

And voila! You've made The Bloody Bitch on the Bay! It is very much like the Bloody Mary you already know and love, but somehow a bit more summery. Bloody Marys are traditionally a brunch drink, but I'd be more inclined to enjoy this at dusk, sitting on the deck at the shore after a long day of crabbing.

Stay drunk, bitches!

Disclosure: While this bottle of The Bay Vodka was furnished to us for free. all testimonials are solely the true opinions of This Drunk Bitch. Also, no crabs were harmed in the making of this article.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

FREE BEER TODAY! No, Seriously.

I'm not kidding. There is a totally free fucking beer festival today. No, there is no catch.

Today, from 12-4, Cottman Beverages is hosting a free beer festival. For those unacquainted with the Northeast, Cottman Beverages is a beer distributor in Mayfair that specializes in craft beers. It's one of my favorite in the area because I prefer to buy beer by the case or 12 pack instead of goofing around with individual bottles at the six pack shops. And their selection is really, really impressive.

There will also be giveaways from several breweries AND free food samples from the Grey Lodge! If you're not familiar with Grey Lodge, it's one of the original craft beer bars in Philly, and they serve some kick ass food. They're located on Frankford Ave as well, in case you want to keep the party going after the fest.

If that isn't a reason to go to the Northeast, I got nothin. It's really not as far as it seems. Get your ass there!

Cottman Beverages
7544 Frankford Ave
Philadelphia, PA 19136

Stay drunk (for free!), bitches!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

The time has come for you to make history, with Bluecoat Barrel Finished Gin.

Dear Philadelphia,

Some of you may have heard that Philadelphia Distilling released a limited edition gin, Bluecoat American Dry Gin that spends 3 months aging to perfection in new american oak barrels. The result is a beautiful spirit with a finish of oak perfection, made only 6 barrels at a time! It's name, Bluecoat Barrel Finished Gin.

For you whiskey lovers...this is the time to give gin another go, because you're going to find that Bluecoat's barrel finished gin quenches a thirst you never knew you had.

What you may not know is that this limited release is an opportunity, an opportunity for you to put your money where your liver is! That's right, to keep this beautiful booze available full time at PLCB I'm asking you to get off your ass, go out and spend 35 bucks on a bottle of booze made right here in Philadelphia. A unique, well rounded, amber colored bottle of perfection. It really is your chance to experience history in the making, in a city that has already made a fuck-ton (accurate measurement) of history already!

Not sure what you'd do with something so perfect? That's fair, I'll tell you, you're going to drink it,
you're going to drink the fuck out of it! You're going to make a unique DURRTY Martini for your friends and they are going to envy the hell out of your life choices, because you obviously know how to live, and they can only dream of it.

Now get out to your nearest PA Wine & Liquor store and buy several bottles, SEVERAL! You only have until April, 30th 2015! HURRY!

Stay drunk, Bitches. Drunk on Bluecoat Barrel Finished Gin.