Monday, August 18, 2014

Seriously, Fuck Diner en Blanc

Let me first say that I am not writing this out of anger. This is not a butt hurt rant from someone who was one of the thousands who were turned away because of their shitty registration system. This event is just fucking stupid.

First of all, you need to be "sponsored" by someone already involved with DEB in order to even be eligible. Then, you pay $68.50 to reserve your seats for you and your guest, because you absolutely must register in pairs. Seriously, that's mandatory. And by "reserve your seats", they mean bring your own fucking chairs. I'm not kidding. You pay $68.50 to bring your own table and chairs, and it MUST be between 28 and 32 inches. Also, the location is of course not revealed until minutes before the event, so there you are, wandering the city in all white, carrying a table, chairs and all of your food/drink, waiting to find out where you get to haul all of your shit.



I know what you're thinking- "Sure, $68.50 is a lot to pay, but surely it goes to a charity or something right?" NOPE. Your money goes right into DEB's pockets. Per their website:

Is the Diner en Blanc associated with a humanitarianism or social cause?
What makes Diner en Blanc so popular is that it's a "distinct" evening. There are no political or ideological agendas and very minimal branding. Le Diner en Blanc is simply a gathering whose sole purpose is to create a magical evening, where guests are in good company, and in an environment which is both unusual and extraordinary. On a private level, hosts can decide to support any humanitarian cause they want, but not associated directly with Diner en Blanc.

Translation: We are greedy as hell and can't be bothered with the needs and struggles of disgusting poor and/or sick people.

Another bizarre tidbit I found while perusing the FAQs portion of their site is that men and women are required to sit opposite each other, for "photogenic" reasons. How nice of them to tell you where you are allowed to sit and eat your own food at your own table in your own chairs. This is an awful lot of shit to go through just to have a couple of cool photos for your Instagram. Luckily, same sex couples are not expected to adhere to this bizarre rule, 'cause DEB is progressive like that.

Also, if you're heading to DEB, make sure you pick up a white raincoat and a transparent umbrella (it actually says that on their website) as well because in the event of rain/snow/apocalypse, your ass is still expected to be there. If you don't show, you are blacklisted from registering for future events. That's right, DEB doesn't take any shit or listen to any excuses. Your ass is banned for life, son.



So, why do people continue to participate in this asinine, outwardly pretentious event? Maybe they are pretentious themselves, maybe they feel like it'll make them sound cool at the water cooler the next day, or maybe they just want some sweet Instagram pictures of 3,500 people wearing white and holding sparklers. I don't know. But this Thursday, instead of attending DEB, I'll be in my backyard wearing whatever the fuck I want, eating hot dogs cooked on my grill at a table I didn't have to carry anywhere. And maybe I'll even spring for a $3 box of sparklers for the occasion.



Stay drunk, bitches!


Update: The cost for Diner en Blanc is $68.50 per pair, not per person, and has been corrected.

11 comments:

  1. be a rebel: http://phillydinerennoir.com/ ;)

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  2. OMG. I don't know you at all, but I love you.

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  3. Now this is funny as hell.. Nice job

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  4. Wow you truly are the drunkest bitch on the block. The majority of your comments are completely uneducated. It doesn't matter where you sit besides with your group. It's 2015 and same sex couples are widely accepted. This has never been enforced...look at the pictures. There have always been "exclusive" clubs yet no one bitches about those (this event grows by over a thousand people each year...25%...you try organizing a event of that capacity and growth). $20,000 was donated to local charities this year at the Vancouver event not to mention the cost to put on a spectacular evening such as this in an incredible venue. You also don't walk around town carrying your gear, they arrange coach buses to bring you to and from the venue. So yes...there is a cost, and for two people... $68.50 is far less than going to a swanky restaurant or a sports game or even a concert for two people. You can easily get invited by family, friends, coworkers, or place yourself on the guest list. If this is such an outwardly pretentious event why has it been rated as one of the top events to go to annually and globally by so many media outlets? You need to get your facts straight before attacking a very inclusive event. Growing 20-25% each year and being located in some of the world's most gorgeous venues for only $34.25 a person is ridiculously affordable for what you get.

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    1. At a Swanky restaurant, if you pay $68 you get something for it. If you attend DEB you have to pre purchase your food, beverages and you get a sparkler and a fucking balloon. We've done the research, the rules are on the website, and if they aren't going to be enforced, maybe, just fucking maybe those dumb cunts aught to remove them from the rules. Pretentious cunts like you defend it, continue my fair friend and I'll be spending my hard earned dollars at establishments that don't require that I sit in the rain to eat.

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  5. You are EXACTLY what you say you are not in the beginning of your piece: Angry and butt-hurt ranting here with your stupidity to pretend you don't care not being a part of it. I asked a few friends who attended yesterday and the $68 is for 2 people, and you don't have to sit across your guest so your research sucks. They made everything clear in the beginning. Rules are simple and obvious with no hidden surprises. You don't wanna deal with them? You don't like to carry your table and chair. You didn't like the concept of the event. That's all fine and have a very easily solution: you just don't attend. What isn't fine is labeling everyone who does as pretentious and shallow people. I never attended the event. Still never had the urge to rant about it. My suggestion to you is to fill up a bucket with cold water and sit in it for while until the pain subsides

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    1. We did not attend, and not only did we not attend, we still think the event is fucking stupid. Oh and your $68 deal - doesn't include the food or the booze you cock up.

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  6. It is a dinner for pretentious people...end of story. Nothing screams pay attention to me and my drastically inflated online persona than DEB. I have never wanted to be a part of it and roll my eyes every time filtered photos are uploaded with people getting off on how high brow and sophisticated they are for paying money for such a ridiculous event. Ce soir noir is a much better option.

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